Just in case has been the story of my life. I was in an energy work session about a month ago and my beautiful teacher asked me if I was holding onto anything that no longer served me. Sometimes it freaks me out how she can see things I try to hide. How does she know I’m a pack rat? Does she know I used to hide money in various places in my room when I was 7, just in case? How does she know that I hold onto EVERYTHNG just in case?
So, I share something I’ve been thinking about… I still have all of my materials from when I was an elementary school teacher. I taught my last class 4 ½ years ago. I have no intention to return to teaching BUT I have moved every book, resource , and file just in case.
I let myself spiral in deeper and deeper to what was really there and get honest. I saw I never had any intention of returning to the classroom. I did, however want my children educated using Montessori curriculum. What if we don’t have the 14k per year to send them? Is it really safe to trust we’ll have the money when it’s time? So, I save the materials just in case. Just in case we don’t have the money then I can leave a career where I am happy so I can stay home and home school them. Yuck! Crazy, right?
I don’t want to do that. Not that I have any objections to home schooling in its essence. I just like the idea of my children socializing and getting the full experience of school. I also like the idea of getting to work, surf, and go to yoga when they are in school. Did I mention that these children haven’t even been conceived yet? I’m a planner…
So then I had to look at why I was so afraid of letting go. What if I lose my job? What if my business fails? What if no one wants to hire me as a coach? Then, one day I may need to return to teaching and I won’t be able to without all of our materials, resources, and guides. I put a lot of work into those. I’d be crazy to let them go…. And my brain is off and running.
So, in the spirit of moving outside of my comfort zone, I took one box and recycled it all. 4 weeks later, I tackled the rest. I looked back at all the hours of prep work put into those boxes. I remembered all the beautiful students I taught. I found some old notes from parents, cards from students, and photographs and my heart was full. The truth is I loved being a teacher AND I am complete with it. It was a fantastic period for me and really supported me to get exactly where I am today. I am grateful for the journey and I don’t need to keep moving the materials around, so I have released them.
What is funny is how the laws of the universe work and new things just get sent in right away. As soon as I released that first box, energy started flowing. Big shifts started happening with my coaching- workshops, a new client, etc. I let myself fully mourn the miscarriage I had this year and then I got 6 bags of clothes (I still like to plan!) for our someday baby. So, sometimes if we give ourselves permission to look in the dark places in our hearts, there is a little seed for a miracle. Seeds don’t tend to grow in the dark without any food or water, though. We have to be courageous enough to bring them out into the light.
What are you ready to shine the light on?